Does Forgiving Mean We Forget?

I sat in my counselors office and he asked me to recall certain things from my past that I couldn’t seem to quite remember. I was flooded by the emotion of frustration and anger because it made me feel insecure and broken. Emotions I am well acquainted with because for some time I have struggled to recall certain events and moments from my life. Defeated I said “I’m sorry I can’t really remember exactly what happened.”

He watched me and just said “you dissociated from it.” Reluctantly I said “yea I guess I did”. To my surprise he said “And what a gift you have been given to forget.”

In that moment I felt relief but I wasn’t quite sure why because I was still confused how forgetting could ever be a gift. I have desperately longed to remember and articulate my life, but most times I’ve been left frustrated because I just can’t.

Recently I listened to a song called Manasseh by Anna Golden, and instantly my eyes wailed with tears. You see Manasseh means to forget.

“Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh. “For,” he said, “God has made me forget all my hardship and all my father’s house.””

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭41:51‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Manasseh was the first son of Joseph.

Joseph the man with a coat of many colors, the man who faced the very bitter end of familial betrayal, betrayal by man and woman, misplaced accusation, misplaced judgement and punishment. Joseph, the man who received the very promise of God which he had received in a dream from a young age. Joseph the man who endured by faith, forgave by obedience, and forgot by grace.

I’ve found that knowing the dream makes the desolation of life all the more painful. Yet for Joseph, we see that knowing the dream can make your faith all the more stable. In the moments of hardship he sat with God and he sought God. He found beautiful fruit in the character of God. Had he only remembered his past and his hurt he would have never experienced the deep life found in focusing on God as He moved Joseph into the promise of his future and of what he had dreamed.

I often have heard we should forgive but not forget. I believe we find freedom when we choose to forgive and choose to forget.

“Hear, O daughter, and consider, and incline your ear: forget your people and your father’s house, and the king will desire your beauty. Since he is your Lord, bow to him.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭45:10-11‬ ‭ESV‬‬

The truth is I do not need to remember every detail of the hurt of my past. Remembering the pain proves to be of no benefit to my heart. It is of no benefit when I stand highly exalted next to a King who has always known my name. The one who has promised me good things to come.

What I will say is I have fallen subject to forget without forgiving. Numbing myself to the heartache and pain. Which never heals but comes out as fragmented glass that cuts deeper into my wound and stretches to wound the ones I love around me. That is also of no benefit to my heart.

“but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

We do not put off conversations for fear of conflict but we strive to seek peace with one another as brothers and sisters in Christ. Seeking to understand, seeking to forgive, seeking to take ownership, seeking to forget and move forward in health.

“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:23-24‬ ‭ESV‬

Glory to God in the reconciliation with a brother or sister, a testimony to the sacrifice of Christ. How beautiful it is to walk in forgiveness and to forget hand in hand with one whom you love and cherish.

Glory to God in the forgiving and forgetting even when a brother or sister is not yet able to reconcile. How beautiful it is to walk in forgiveness and forget what has been done. To  allow the Lord to move you forward to the promise of your future.

So forgive and yes, also forget the grievance of life. Walking in peace to the next step of life.