When We Meet His Gaze.

I was sitting outside by one of my favorite statues at Dallas Theological Seminary. It’s a place I often go to when I’m needing to remember who Christ is to me and who I am to Him. I’ve sat by this statue countless times and what amazes me is that I learn something new between every angle. Today I sat behind the stone image of Christ and was left to gaze upon the eyes of Peter. The detail of the sculpture is incredible and crafted meticulously with a definitive purpose. Today I saw the purpose in Peter’s eyes.

“So He came to Simon Peter. He said to Him, “Lord, You are washing my feet?” Jesus answered and said to him, “What I am doing, you do not realize right now, but you will understand later.” Peter *said to Him, “Never shall You wash my feet!” Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no place with Me.””

‭‭John‬ ‭13:6-8‬ ‭NASB2020‬‬

Jesus knelt to the ground derobbed and exposed to the image of a servant and a slave. This is an image of who Christ is. He is focused on the beautiful service at hand, one seemingly for a poor servant man, is taken on by a highly exalted God. A God concerned only with cleansing every particle of dirt and grime.

Peter however is transfixed on Jesus, and his gaze is filled with shame and his posture is slightly fallen, realizing the heart of who his God really is. Who his Savior is, but feeling unworthy of it.

Sometimes I sit and watch God walk before me and I'm struck by shame and pride. Unable to believe that He sees the very worst of me and still chooses to sit and cleanse and comfort me. I often sit as Peter did, and I long to understand the heart of my humble and giving God.

I imagine as Jesus finished washing his feet and gazed back up at him the depth of Peter’s emotion consumed him. It was only in meeting Christ face to face, eye to eye, that he no longer was consumed by shame. Rather consumed by the love of his friend, his savior, his God.

A once lowly gaze turned to a release of tears, weeping knowing he deserved nothing and yet Christ not only gave but gave everything.

Often I have run from the responsibility of my own sin. Fearing it might invalidate the hurt I have gone through, or the responsibility of another's sinful actions. Sacrificing His care because I desire for things to look a certain way. Often avoiding His loving and longing gaze I sink into shame.

Then something beautiful happens, conviction and correction meet me in my loathsome place. I find myself swept over by His gentle touch. A touch so based in strength that I must surrender. Surrender my pride, my grief, my shame, and just as I do, Christ meets me face to face and holds my gaze gently in the palms of His hands so I don’t lose focus on Him.

“Simon Peter said to Him, “Lord, then wash not only my feet, but also my hands and my head!” Jesus said to him, “He who has bathed needs only to wash his feet; otherwise he is completely clean. And you are clean—but not all of you.” …. You call Me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord’; and you are correct, for so I am. So if I, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.”

‭‭John‬ ‭13:9-10, 13-14‬ ‭NASB2020‬

My Father desires a heart desperate for cleansing. A heart honored when they are served by the King of kings. Careful to not be the one who is unclean even after meeting the Savior face to face. Careful to not carry about business as usual after being washed cleaned by Christ. Careful to not be Judas who sat face to face with the Savior and acted but found no grace to sweep him over. Careful to not miss the gaze that searches the depth of one's soul to move us from a place of rebellion to a heart of contrition.

Now when we meet His gaze we act in service from a place of love and contrition that welcomes the hardest of hearts home.